Wednesday, December 8, 2010

So, You've got Alzheimer's...

Those words!  Why the hell did my Doctor have to say "those words"!  How exactly, is a person suppose to deal with something like that?  I watched my wife, Scherry, as she suffered as she lived through the hell of watching her mother destroyed by the disease.  I've told people that Alzheimer's isn't even the kind of thing that you would wish upon your worst enemy!  Of all the diseases that you can get, that is the LAST ONE, you would want to get.   But I've got it!  I guess it figures, though, when I think about it.  That is exactly how my life goes.  I get to have some fun in my Manic phase.  That's when I make all of these great plans to do a lot of good stuff, some major accomplishments, to have some fun.  Then this, the overflow from the toilet of life.  How am I suppose to deal with that?  My wife thinks that it hasn't totally sunk in yet.  I think that she might be right.  It knocks the wind right out of you, but what do you do next? 

My headaches have been getting more frequent and more severe. So I went to my Doctor and got an MRI.  I was expecting a brain tumor.  I was already bracing myself for that.  I had my little pep talk prepared.  I was going to fight it and I was going to WIN!  How do you fight a battle that can't be won?

What about poor Scherry?   She has already been through that hell already.  How is she going to go through it again?  How can I ask her to do that?  I gave her an "out".  I told her that she could walk away and that I wouldn't hold it against her or have any hard feelings.  However, she says she will stay and that she will be there for me.  "It's in the vows," she says, "for better and for worse, in sickness and in health". She is willing to endure the private hell that loved ones of Alzheimer's patients have to fight through. 

She says that I won't suffer, that when I progress to the last stages, I won't even know what is going on.  I don't agree.  I think that the Alzheimer's patient realizes that they are literally losing their minds but can't do anything about it.  I guess I will find out.  However, once I've lost most of my marbles, how will I be able to communicate what I am feeling or thinking? 

What if she dies before I start going through the final stages?  I don't have any children of my own.  Who will be there to hold my hand?  Who will be there to comfort me as I slowly lose my mind?

1 comment:

  1. While it is a progressive disease and you are in the early stages, do some research and get yourself involved in a research study. It may prolong the inevitable. A little research and who knows what may happen. Faith carries a long way sometimes and it sounds as if your wife really believes in you!!!